Workplaces often reward high performance, but when perfectionism and self-criticism dominate, they can become destructive. Many professionals push themselves relentlessly, driven not only by ambition but by a deeper fear of failure, rejection, or abandonment. When this fear collides with the body’s fight response, it can create unhealthy patterns that harm both well-being and workplace culture.
Understanding Perfectionism and Self-Criticism at Work
Perfectionism is more than striving for excellence—it’s the belief that mistakes equal failure and that worth depends on flawless performance. Self-criticism reinforces this belief, creating an internal loop of:
“I should have done better.”
“If I make a mistake, people will see I’m not good enough.”
“I need to prove myself constantly.”
While these thoughts may push productivity in the short term, they often come at the expense of emotional health and sustainable success.
When Abandonment Wounds Meet the Fight Response
For some, perfectionism is rooted in abandonment fears—early experiences of rejection, neglect, or feeling unseen. The nervous system may adapt with a fight response, channeled not outwardly toward others, but inwardly toward the self. Instead of fighting external threats, individuals fight themselves with:
Harsh self-talk and relentless criticism.
Overworking to prove worth.
Difficulty accepting feedback without spiraling into self-blame.
This inner battle can create a constant state of stress, as though survival depends on never making a mistake.
The Workplace Impact
Burnout: Overextension leads to exhaustion, decreased creativity, and poor work-life balance.
Impaired collaboration: Perfectionism can cause conflict with colleagues or resistance to delegation.
Stifled innovation: Fear of mistakes prevents risk-taking and limits growth.
Erosion of confidence: Self-criticism undermines a person’s ability to recognize and celebrate accomplishments.
Breaking the Cycle
Healing from perfectionism and self-criticism at work requires recognizing the deeper patterns at play:
Awareness: Notice when fear of rejection or abandonment drives overworking or harsh self-talk.
Self-compassion practices: Replace the inner fight with supportive, encouraging self-dialogue.
Boundary-setting: Learn to rest, delegate, and accept “good enough” as progress.
Therapeutic support: Exploring abandonment wounds in therapy can shift how the fight response shows up in adulthood.
Final Thoughts
Perfectionism and self-criticism in the workplace may look like dedication, but beneath the surface they often reflect deeper struggles with abandonment and the fight response. By bringing awareness and compassion to these patterns, individuals can transform self-criticism into healthier motivation—and workplaces can become spaces that foster resilience, growth, and balance.
If this resonates with you and you’re ready to learn more about yourself — reach out to book your first session.
Sandra Ragheb
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