For many people, dating and closeness bring excitement, joy, and connection. But for others, these same experiences feel overwhelming, unsafe, or even threatening. If you’ve ever found yourself pulling away just as a relationship begins to deepen, you may be experiencing the impact of a trust wound paired with a flight response.
What Is a Trust Wound?
A trust wound develops when early experiences taught you that opening up to others could lead to betrayal, abandonment, rejection, or disappointment. This might come from:
Caregivers who were inconsistent, unavailable, or critical.
Past relationships where trust was broken.
Situations where vulnerability was met with shame or dismissal.
These experiences shape an inner belief: “Getting close is dangerous—I can’t fully trust others to stay or care for me.”
Understanding the Flight Response
When the body senses threat, it activates survival responses: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. In relationships, the flight response often looks like:
Withdrawing emotionally or physically.
Distracting yourself with work, hobbies, or endless busyness.
Avoiding deeper conversations or commitments.
Ending relationships prematurely to “stay safe.”
Instead of running from physical danger, you’re running from emotional risk.
How Trust Wounds and Flight Responses Intertwine
When dating or intimacy triggers old wounds, your nervous system can’t always distinguish between past and present. A caring partner’s closeness may unconsciously feel like the very situations that once hurt you. The flight response then activates, creating distance before you even realize why.
This cycle can leave you feeling conflicted: wanting closeness but fearing it at the same time.
The Cost of Avoiding Closeness
While distancing may feel protective, it often leads to:
Loneliness and disconnection.
Self-criticism for “sabotaging” relationships.
Difficulty building the trust and intimacy you deeply crave.
Moving Toward Healing and Safety
The good news is that trust wounds can heal, and your nervous system can learn to feel safe in connection. Some helpful steps include:
Awareness: Noticing when you’re withdrawing out of fear, not genuine need.
Self-compassion: Reminding yourself that these responses once kept you safe, but may not serve you now.
Gradual exposure to closeness: Taking small steps toward vulnerability and testing safety with trusted people.
Therapeutic support: Working with a therapist to process past wounds and build new relational patterns.
Final Thoughts
Dating and closeness can feel risky when old trust wounds meet the body’s flight response. But with awareness, compassion, and support, it is possible to rewrite these patterns and build relationships rooted in safety, trust, and genuine intimacy.
If this resonates with you and you’re ready to learn more about yourself — reach out to book your first session.
Sandra Ragheb
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