When you step into dating, it can feel exciting, full of possibility, but also deeply vulnerable. If you carry an abandonment wound, it often shows up most loudly in your relationships. That wound whispers, “Don’t leave me. Don’t forget me. I’ll do anything to keep you close.”
This is where the fawn response comes in. Instead of showing up as your full, authentic self, you may find yourself slipping into people-pleasing. You say “yes” when you really mean “no.” You silence your needs to avoid rocking the boat. You go out of your way to keep your partner comfortable, even if it leaves you feeling drained.
At first, this can make you seem like the “perfect” partner — easygoing, agreeable, endlessly supportive. But inside, you might feel unseen, disconnected, or quietly resentful. Over time, this cycle leaves you carrying the weight of the relationship while also reinforcing the fear that, if you stop giving so much, the other person might walk away.
The truth is, the fawn response is a survival strategy. At some point in your life, your nervous system learned that the safest way to avoid abandonment was to over-give, over-accommodate, and disappear into someone else’s needs. But in dating, this strategy can backfire: instead of building real intimacy, it keeps you hidden.
What if dating didn’t have to be about managing someone else’s comfort, but about letting yourself be known? What if your needs, boundaries, and desires were not a risk, but the very bridge to the kind of connection you’ve always wanted?
Learning to notice when you’re fawning — and gently pausing before you say “yes” — is the first step toward reclaiming yourself in love. It’s not about abandoning your kindness; it’s about letting kindness include you, too.
If this resonates with you and you’re ready to learn more about yourself — reach out to book your first session.
Sandra Ragheb
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