We’ve all heard the advice: “Just let it go.” Whether it’s past mistakes, painful memories, or unresolved conflicts, letting go seems like the key to peace of mind. But if you’ve ever tried, you know it’s not that simple. Many of us struggle to release old hurts, even when we want to. Why is letting go so difficult?
Why We Hold On
Unfinished business
Our minds crave closure. When a situation feels unresolved, we replay it in an attempt to “fix” it. This loop keeps us stuck in the past.
Fear of losing identity
Sometimes, pain becomes part of who we are. Letting it go can feel like losing a piece of ourselves, even if it’s a piece that hurts.
Attachment to what could have been
We don’t just grieve what happened—we grieve what we wished had happened. Holding on can feel like holding onto hope.
The inner critic and shame
Self-blame often fuels rumination. Instead of moving forward, the inner critic convinces us we should keep reliving mistakes as punishment.
Biology of the brain
Our brains are wired to focus more on negative experiences than positive ones. This survival mechanism can make it harder to release painful memories.
The Cost of Holding On
Struggling to let go doesn’t just weigh on your emotions—it affects your whole life. You may feel:
Increased stress and anxiety.
Difficulty trusting yourself or others.
Strained relationships.
Physical symptoms like tension, fatigue, or insomnia.
Steps Toward Letting Go
Letting go isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about changing your relationship with it. Some supportive steps include:
Acknowledge the pain: Denying it only keeps it stronger. Naming your hurt is the first step in loosening its grip.
Challenge the inner critic: Notice when self-blame shows up, and practice self-compassion instead.
Shift perspective: Ask yourself, “What am I holding onto, and what is it costing me?”
Practice mindfulness: Staying present helps reduce rumination about the past.
Seek support: Therapy can provide guidance and tools to release old patterns in a safe, compassionate space.
Final Thoughts
Struggling to let things go doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re human. Our minds hold onto pain as a way of seeking safety, meaning, or closure. The good news is that with awareness, compassion, and support, it’s possible to loosen the grip of the past and create room for healing and growth.
If this resonates with you and you’re ready to learn more about yourself — reach out to book your first session.
Sandra Ragheb
Contact Me
