Have you ever noticed yourself getting louder, sharper, or more defensive in your relationships than you actually want to be? You might walk away thinking, “Why did I react like that? I don’t even mean to be this harsh.” If that sounds familiar, you may be living out a pattern that comes from a neglect wound paired with a fight trauma response.
When you grow up with neglect — whether emotional or physical — a deep imprint forms: the sense that your needs aren’t important, or worse, that you don’t even deserve to have them. As an adult, this can leave you feeling invisible or dismissed when your partner, friend, or loved one doesn’t respond in the way you hope.
Now, here’s where the fight response kicks in. Instead of shutting down, your body goes into fight mode. It’s not about being aggressive for the sake of it — it’s about survival. Deep down, your nervous system is trying to protect you from being overlooked or abandoned again. That’s why you might raise your voice, argue intensely, or try to take control of the situation. It’s your system saying: “See me. Hear me. Don’t leave me behind.”
The tricky part? While your fight response is meant to protect you, it can also push people away. Loved ones may feel attacked instead of understanding that beneath your intensity is a part of you that is longing — desperately — to be cared for.
Here’s the good news: this pattern isn’t who you are, it’s how you’ve learned to survive. When you start to recognize it, you can begin to meet that neglected part of yourself with compassion instead of criticism. You can practice saying what you feel without turning it into a battle. You can begin to show the people in your life the tender need beneath the anger — the part of you that is asking, “Will you stay? Will you care?”
Healing a neglect wound with a fight response takes practice, awareness, and a safe space to unravel the old survival strategies. But it’s possible — and it can change the way you connect with others in profound ways.
If this resonates with you and you’re ready to learn more about yourself — reach out to book your first session.
Sandra Ragheb
Contact Me
